“I felt broken, fragile and full of guilt and shame.”

Annie* talks about the impact that her Debt Adviser, and Crosslight Advice, had on her life.

I want to be open about my story. It all started with me and the kids fleeing my abusive partner and having to restart my life in a different location. I started drinking. And when my money situation got worse, my drinking got worse and then I just didn’t pay anything and I just couldn’t cope with anything. It was the shame and the guilt really, which everyone has with money issues. It sucks the life out of you. It is all-consuming and takes you to a very dark place. 

Me and the kids were hiding from bailiffs all the time. We all learned what to do if the door went - we lived with our blinds shut and the doors and windows locked.  We didn’t answer the phone. It’s sad really, my youngest kid knew what to do at the age of 5.  She knew at which points in the house the bailiffs wouldn’t be able to see us through. 

I came out of my first inpatient detox programme to loads of debt and then two months later got evicted from my house.  I was weeks away from living in emergency B&Bs with my 3 daughters.  At the very last moment we found another rental property out of area. I’d got the drinking under control, but I had so much debt and I wasn’t in the right place or strong enough to deal with it. I was too scared to deal, I was living in fear really.    

Someone gave me the number for Crosslight. I explained my situation to them and within a matter of weeks, the bailiffs all stopped. Which was amazing. I just felt a sense of massive relief. 

I felt broken, fragile and full of guilt and shame. But Crosslight had nothing but a warm welcome for me and lots of understanding. They wanted to know who I was rather than the debt. It was me and the kids first. And they really understood the impact my situation was having. 

We were doing quite well, but then I relapsed. Crosslight told everybody on my behalf that I wasn’t well, and they waited, just waited, until I came out of rehab and then we started it again. From a recovery point of view, it is huge to get this stuff sorted as staying dry is so hard. My adviser got to know all my little avoidance techniques and… he never asked too much of me. 

For me, it was all about learning along the journey that my psychological relationship with money carries a lot of bad things from my past. Money wasn’t talked about as a child, and I suffered from financial abuse as well as psychological, emotional and physical. My experience of domestic abuse left me with nothing, twice over, and this included all of the bills. My debts came from utility bills, court fines, bailiff fees, enforcement and it just went on and on and on to about £26k. 

I’m two and a half years sober now, but that goes hand in hand with sorting out my life. I have just had a Debt Relief Order so all my debt is gone now. It’s amazing, I’ve been given a clean slate. 

Crosslight have not just helped to write off my debt, they’ve helped me look at my money and I’m getting budget coaching so I’m not on my own. Moving forwards, they’re going to help me to set up my bank accounts, they’re working out the figures, so I know exactly what needs to go in what account moving forwards so that I never have to be in this position again. 

I’d say it’s a very holistic approach at Crosslight. I couldn’t praise them more. After every meeting I’ve ever had, I’ve come away feeling like an absolute weight has come off. My adviser didn’t give up on me, I’d given up on myself, but he didn’t give upon me. It was his commitment to me that made this work. 

*Names have been changed